Life As A Parent

One of my best qualities is my ability to strive, I can be like a bull dog when I want something.  I don’t mind hard work.  One of my worst qualities is my inability to handle disappointment when what I’d been striving for doesn’t work out like I had planned and from there I lose my direction and pitter out completely. 

I have been like that lately with not only my workouts and eating but also with my parenting.  My oldest just turned 16He’s a really good kid but, as with all 16 year olds, he is often misguided and needs direction and attention constantly.  He is trying to find out who he is and who he hopes to be.  I have always thought that if you guide them well up through their teen years they will have a good sense of themselves and not be so easily side tracked but I’ve been wrong in this thinking.  It doesn’t ease or end; he needs me now to be ultra involved much more than ever before.  The problem with this is he doesn’t totally know it so there is a push pull cycle going on.  There are times he still acts like he’s a little kid wrestling with the little boys but then the rest of the time he is being directed by his penis.  I feel like I always have to be “ON ALERT”.  Mentally I don’t ever seem to get a break even when he’s not with me physically.  There are times like this when I realize I am a real parent.  I don’t wonder why my hair seems to be graying and the wrinkles around my eyes seem a little deeper.

As with most of my life I have discovered that I have been a little slack so I, now, have redirected my path of action and am back to being the ever present presence.  Now the goal is to not lose sight of everything else while I put more eggs in my 16 year old basket, so to speak.

Re-commiting

February is always a hard month for me to get through. To me it is like how middle school was, something I had to get through to get on with my life. Each February I go into it with the idea that, "this year will be different, I have a better attitude"; each year it is, unfortunately, the same. Injury and illness and family obligations become overwhelming when I haven't seen the sun for any length of time. I am tired of winter but I know winter hasn't sung its last song yet.
I, actually the dr, has made the discovery as to why my knee is giving me such issues and I have corrected what I can. I am tired of being injured and don't want to focus on it anymore. I just want to run regardless of how many miles or how fast those miles go by. I also want to focus on getting back into my old workouts of heavy lifting.
March is right around the corner so that means I am thinking spring and my birthday and my wedding anniversary. It also means focusing on my last little bit of weight loss. I did such a great job at not gaining through the holidays, as a matter of fact I lost weight in November, December and January. How then did I end up gaining 6 lbs in February; because I lose all sense of what my real goals are in February. I just duck my head down and pound my way to the end regardless of how much cake I eat, how many lattes I drink or how many warm creamy soups I slurp.
Soooo, I am back on board. I have only a few more February days to get through then I'm back. It's funny because even as I write this I am thinking "well, tomorrow we are going to chuckie cheese and coldstone creamery so don't really commit until March 1st, don't set yourself up for failure". CRAZY!
I will be realistic that I will be eating shitty for one more weekend. March 1st is like everyone else's New Year weight loss resolution; on that day I will start all over.

My Running Love Story

When I met my husband I was not a runner and I did not know he was. I had been exercising, which is what I called myself an exerciser. I had no aspirations to be more than that, I really don't know deep down if I even wanted to be that or if I felt peer pressure from my neighbor to be at least that.
I didn't even tell him I was training for my 1st 5K until the night before. We met out for drink and in a drunken moment I told him that the next day I was going to try and complete my first race. He couldn't belive it....he was so upset with me for being out and for not telling him. It was during that night of too much beer he told me of all the races he had completed. He also told me of his aspirations to be a triathlete. I was in awe, I couldn't believe he wouldn't think I was crazy and I think he didn't tell me because he thought I would think he was.
Needless to say, I think that was the real beginning for us. I found someone I could share some inner worries about my abilities and he encouraged me.
I encouraged him to buy a road bike and we started making Tuesday nights our track night. We would take my kids and run sprints then go for pizza after.
That year, 2002, was a transformational year for us emotionally and for our athletic discoveries. He would watch the kids for me to do my long runs, as I was training for my 1st 1/2 marathon. I would take the kids to his house so we could tag team our runs; he would make dinner and watch the kids while I ran then I would set the table and make the final touches while he ran. I would row the boat along side of him as he swam in the lake and he tried, desperately, to help me not look quite so cat like while I swam (he never had to row just sort of coast along side of me while I flapped). Our weekends away together were to go to a race. Sometimes we would bring along a sitter or my parents or his parents met us to watch the kids if we raced together or he would get to race and we would be his cheering section or visa versa.
That continued for 2 years until I ended up over doing it and had a few bulging discs. He then cared for me and the kids while I recovered which took much longer than either of us had imagined it would.
We learned so much about each other's strengths and weaknesses during those years training together. When we married in 2005 and subsequently had 3 more children we lost sight of who we were, not only as individuals but also the companionship of having that love of training together.
In 2009 after our son was born I was mentally ready to go back to those days. I wanted that self back, I wanted that man back; the goals, the drive, the sweat, the encouragement, the shared love of training and racing. It took a little longer for me to pester him to start back up but 2010 was a renewal for us, for our whole family.
We have amazing goals for ourselves for this upcoming year. I love my husband for so many reasons but I fell in love with him for the 1st time while sprinting out 400's on the track.

Runner's World.com's Guide to Love and Running

Runner's World.com's Guide to Love and Running

Raise Your Voice

I have been a member of the Y since before my 5 year old was born.  It definitely doesn’t mean I always used it as I should have but I have been paying my monthly dues for that long.  After the birth of Walter, my 16 month old, I knew I was all done being fat and I was going to get into some sort of a routine; I needed the Y and their Tot Spot to do that.  I truly feel like they are all a part of my extended family.  They have listened to me vent and loved my kids and watched my transformation from a STURDY 241lbs down to a slim, fit 145lb.  They encouraged me and supported me by being so good to the boys. 

They allow children to be in there for 3 hours as long as the parent is in the building.  I, typically, use every single minute of that time to workout, shower and chat with the wonderful staff and the friends I have made there.  They are not the fanciest facility but they feel like family to me. 

Today I didn’t get to go and work out due to a rash that has broken out on Clarke.  I used the day to catch up on laundry and dishes, make a nice dinner and snuggle.  Sometime this afternoon I received an awful announcement from a Y friend, who also has kids she puts in the tot spot, that they were limiting our kids hours down to 2.  Now, I know this may seem like a lot of time but it’s not.  If I’m going to the Y I’m working out for a full 2 hours, most days.  My Wednesday runs alone should be taking me around 2 hours.  That leaves no time to eat or shower let alone chat with friends about how our workout was or steam to warm up my buns from the freezing cold conditions when we run outside.  I was absolutely in a panic. 

I called Sheri, at the tot spot, and asked if this was accurate.  Yes, she told me, it is so busy most days now that they can’t handle all the kids and mothers have been having to wait outside of tot spot for a kid to leave so their kid could go in.  Well, that to me sounds crazy.  We have a huge gym that isn’t utilized during the day, for the most part, why can’t the toddlers play in the gym instead of being in the tot spot room.  That right there would free up space.  Anyway, I totally lost my mind.  I called my friend, who is in charge of member services and left her a message that if this is really happening I would have to look for another gym because I needed more time than that.  Plus, I pay extra for the full service locker room because I eat after my workout and they have a mini kitchen area we can use. I also called the fitness director and explained that I would need to decline the job offer for spring if this were to take place because I couldn’t finish my full workout and teach during this new restrained time.  He told me to give him some time to check into it.

I have other mom friends who felt the same way so around and around it went via text message and email and facebook. I was calling other fitness facilities in the area to see if I could find somewhere else we, the moms who work out for longer than 2 hours, could re-locate.  I was in full panic mode.  The very idea that this was happening was seriously freaking me out.  I felt like a MAJOR part of my world was collapsing.  I couldn’t believe it.

Finally, I got a call from the member service director, she informed me that “no, nothing has been finalized yet; this is just something they are considering due to the influx of new members”.  I think new members are awesome but not necessarily at the expense of the old ones.  I think new accommodations need to be met.  She informed me I didn’t need to worry about this and that everything is the same as it has been.  I added my 2 cents re: having the older kids go to the gym to play then we discussed whether or not her and the kids were coming to my oldests birthday party next week. 

I don’t know if I am right or wrong in causing such a fuss.  However, I do know that, at least for now, my mom friends and I can continue our marathon/ 1/2 marathon training in addition to weight lifting, pilates, SBBC circuit training and swimming with the bonus of eating our post workout snack and a shower. 

Right or wrong, good or bad; I’m thankful I let my voice be heard. 

WOWWZA, Insanity

How can one be so IN LOVE with exercise.  I never ever ever in my young life would have guess that this would be me at 36 years of age.  As a child and young adult I would never exercise, how ridiculous!  Now, that sounds ridiculous.

Yesterday I woke with no pain, NONE!  Monday I worked out with NO pain, NONE!  However, the scale has gone up up up X 6 lbs since I have not been doing what I usually do and I had been eating a little too much, maybe a little more than a little.  Well, my eating is getting better; not great by any means but I’m definitely more conscientious about what I put in my mouth.

So because the scale is up and I’m in no pain, I’m going to do what Mel does best; work the fat I’ve recently been collecting off of this body.  I had a 3hr workout plan in mind and I was going to bust it out of the park.

1 hour of elliptical, still afraid to try running just yet.  45 mins of serious ass busting weight training and track work, this consisted of squats, deadlifts, good mornings, lunges (which I couldn’t do because my knee told me immediately that this was no good), pull-ups, push-ups, bicept curls, inch worms around the track, box jumps, and scissor kicks.  From there I went into the pool with Dawn, 500 meters.  I’m a truly horrible swimmer but I need to do it.  It’s good for me to do something I’m not good at for my mental well being.

Came home, brining the sleeping kids in the house and ouch, I felt something not right happen on my right side.  Immediately I called the sat down, turned on cartoonies for the boys and called the chiropractor.  He got me in in the afternoon and fixed me right up again.  My pelvis and hip and foot had shifted from their proper alignment.  All that working out and I felt great, lifting and carrying awkward  kids and bop, I’m hurt.  Crazy how kids can just screw up a good thing, but thankfully not for too long.  I’ve forgiven them, hahaha!

Then it’s Tuesday and we go to the Y as a family on Tuesday nights, Jimmy has tri swim class.  I was going to do the spinning class but I hadn’t signed up before hand and the class was full so I decided to do 20-20-20.  20 mins stairmaster, 20 mins spinning bike on my own, 20 mins rowing machine.  Then reverse elevated planks with my leg up, BRUTAL!

I was sweating and singing and LOVIN every single minute of it.  I am totally in love with exercise.  I know the dopamine and endorphins are cruising through my body but even when they are not I can’t wait to get that sweat on again.  Loving eating healthy is a struggle for me but not exercising.  I know that even if I can never run again, which I don’t think is realistic right now, I can love other things.  I love the “pain” that comes with pushing up that weighted squat bar.  I love the look of my muscles in the mirror when I was pulling back the rowing machine pulley.  I love that my heart rate, even when I am panting, doesn’t go higher than 137, I don’t know what I’d have to do to get it higher than that.  I love feeling powerful and empowered.  I love it so much, I’m nuts!  I think I’m truly crazy. 

I’m going back to the y today because I have to “run” on the elliptical machine for 10 miles.  Holy hannah!  I already know I’m going to feel amazing!

Just a touch, itty bitty touch, Longer

Got up yesterday morning still in pain.  I got all my things and the kids together because I had made the decision that maybe I can’t run right now but I certainly could work out on the elliptical machine.  Now that is definitely not my favorite piece of equipment but I figured that if I workout on that for as long as my running partner runs and at the same intensity as I would have run I am keeping up as well as I can.

On my way into town I called my chiropractor, he got me in right then.  10 mins later I walked into the office and awaited my turn.  Within a minute I was on the table and ooching in pain as he touched my leg.  After a few minutes of adjustments and I was helped up and could bend WITHOUT PAIN!!!  That man is a miracle worker.  I’ve been to a few other chiropractors previously due to all my body malfunctions but this one, he is incredible.

I was informed that maybe I still wouldn’t be able to run this week due to the inflammation and because of the bone pain but….my “legs are now under your pelvis, as they should be”.  So running is in my future.

Working Out Regardless

From the chiropractor I made it to the Y and decided to use the elliptical machine.  I am going to take at least the 1st half of this week and not run.  I will use the elliptical for the same amount of time it would have taken me to run the miles on the schedule for that day.  So yesterday, Monday, my running partner, Dawn, was a a treadmill near me.  She ran and I did my thing for an hour.  It was actually a little more difficult than I thought it would be.  It was hard to find a position on the machine that mimicked running, to the best of my ability, and to not just set my hands on the handles.  Instead I needed to swing them as I would if I were running. 

It was amazing to workout without any pain; it’s been a few weeks since that has happened, sadly enough.

I left the cardio room feeling mentally rejuvenated and physically exhausted.  I can do this, it is just a hurtle I need to hop over, as soon as my knee will let me hop.

Re-Focusing

The body is amazing; in that respect it doesn’t matter if it’s working properly or not, it all works and fits together like a chain.  When just one piece is out of place you get all sorts of kinks in the links.

My Saturday run was difficult, to say the least.  In my mind I had decided to only run as far as I could without pain.  The first sign of pain and I was to turn around and head back (thankfully these courses are typically an out and back). 

I made it out to the third mile before I started to feel any real twinging.  It wasn’t pain so I pushed on a little bit further, by mile 3.8 I knew it was officially pain so I turned around and headed by.  Once the pain started it was excruciating!  I was able to run till mile 6.51 then it was all done.  I had to walk the rest of the way up to the fitness center. 

The walk was horrific.  I am a runner, I don’t discredit walkers but I’m not excited about having to walk while other runners are passing me up telling me “good job”.  I wanted to cry.  I tried to lift my knee to run but NO WAY.  Physically is was painful but mentally it was so much worse.  To know my group was running 12 and I couldn’t….I have mental issues regarding not being able to do what I, mentally, want to do.

Made it up, met with a few friends who had their first run with the group, grabbed a bagel and headed for the doc room.  Side note; this group has 6 or so doctors that volunteer their services before or after a run.  They are sports med drs, orthopedic docs, and general practitioner docs.  They sometimes run with the group but not all of them all the time.  They always have a few ready for action if you happen to limp in.

Doc checked me out and told me my FIBULA WAS STUCK, stuck.  What the hell is that.  How does it get stuck and stuck where exactly.  I can say I don’t fully understand it all but apparently my fibula is stuck in superior glide and it’s going to take some manipulation to get it out and keep it out.  Lots of “bend your knee” press press press “straighten it a little, just a touch” press press press “now fully straight” press press press.  The pain, OMG, the pain on the tip of that bone is just awful.  He showed Jimmy how to do the move and press thing and told me I’d be good as new but I’d probably new a few other adjustments because when, as I stated earlier, one link is out of place then the chain is all out of whack.

Over the weekend I’ve had Jimmy pressing me.  I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like it did when the doc did it.  I’m going to be calling the chiropractor this morning and I’m hoping he will be able to get me in quick.

Food Consumption

With all these workouts coming up short I’ve been trying to cut back my calories.  I hadn’t been counting and up until Sunday I hadn’t been feeling heavy but oh I am now. 

Yesterday, Sunday, I decided to start counting again.  Not for weight loss but for weight maintenance.  I am allowed about 2200 calories per day without working out.  I measured and made the recipe calculations and went by the old addage from weight watchers, you lick it or bite it you must write it.  I logged everything and was over by 558 and I know I typically eat more and more often than that.  Good grief!  What an eye opener.  I’m back in the saddle again counting everything and measuring everything.  I’ve got to get back to eating the way I should. 

It would have been so much easier if I hadn’t stopped counting.  Now going back to doing that seems like so much effort.  I’m out of the food loop.  I guess I’m going back in. 

So Much For Running

I don’t know if I’ve gone into detail previously regarding how much fucking work it is to get all the boys fed, dressed, bags and lunch packed for after the Y and all the boys in the van and into the Y.  It takes me at least 1 1/2hr not including drive time.  I do all these things this morning and get them into the Y, which is absolutely a horrible task because Pryor has decided he can’t walk into the Y anymore without either holding my pants or dragging down my bag because a car might possibly hit him.  Walter, well he can’t walk in by himself because he doesn’t have a care in the world for cars and will just walk wherever.  I’ve got the diaper bag on my shoulder, my gym bag on my other shoulder, Walter in my arms, my food bag in my hand and Pryor hanging on me all the while Clarke freaking out because I won’t let him wear mittens, because he always loses them, and he’s FREEZING.

We make in in and get our boots off, which is another crazy ass task, get everyone into the tot spot and I’m asked…”does Walter have 5ths disease” I don’t think so, I answer…”well, then he probably will get it because Clarke and Pryor have had it” OK, I reply…”well then he can’t stay in here because they are contagious before they break out in the rash”  Holy shit, are you kidding me, I asked “nope, he can come back next week” 

We actually had to leave because Walter did NOT have 5ths disease.  I was so pissed!!!  Are you KIDDING ME.  He can’t come in because he doesn’t have it.  The ladies in tot spot are awesome and they take great care of my boys; there have been a few times when my boys have been pooping pooping and knowing I would almost be done with my workout they haven’t called me in.  I really couldn’t believe it.  Clarke was having a freak out because he was starting to play with his friends.  Walter couldn’t understand and thankfully didn’t have any issues with it, Pryor was a champ too.  I wasn’t!!! 

I didn’t want to bring them home so they could screech all around me and just make a huge mess so I decided to take them to the library.  Now I am not one of those “library” moms.  I don’t hover and coddle.  I’m a hands free kind of mom.  We go in and YOU play.  Mommy doesn’t play, I just don’t.  I’ll read you a story and play a puzzle but I’m not a pushing trucks, following my kids around a play area kind of mom.  I think I was the only mother who has more than 2 kids and when I told one of the moms I had 5 total I think she was going to choke. 

Those moms totally get on my nerves.  My life does revolve around my family to some extent but they are not my entire existence.  I think if you took kids out of any of their equations they wouldn’t have anything left to talk about.  I guess maybe if you took working out out of mine I wouldn’t have much to say other than my kids typically suck but god they really need to get a hobby! 

I know I shouldn’t judge them because I don’t know them but just from the little I overheard I couldn’t stand it.  This is why I don’t really like women.  It’s like if they aren’t GREAT parents and GREAT wives, well then they aren’t GREAT.  I can’t handle GREAT, I really like mediocre.  I like average.  I like parents who know their kids suck and they love them anyway.  I like women who love their husbands but know they suck too.  I like real people with real life problems who work though them and make it through those issues with humor or foul language or irritation but I don’t like the smiley ones.  I like women who say FUCK, I like women who don’t think the word PUSSY is an insult.  I like women who don’t have to schedule each and every minute of their day.  I like women who drink scotch for lunch because, just because. 

Well then.  Now that I have that off my chest I’m sure I’ll get a great night sleep. 

So to all those moms out there who love their kids but know they are shitty, I would like to be your friend.  To all the moms who scowl when their kid wants to climb up on their lap with sticky hands, I wanna hear from you.  To all those women who like to have a compliment from their husband but don’t feel their day must not have been productive enough if they don’t get it, well then, you and I would get along just fine!

It’s no wonder I don’t have many friends, hahaha!  I’ll work on myself tomorrow while I’m out running my 6-12 mile, depending on how my knee is.

Run Smart…..Smartly Running

I am going into today’s 6 mile run with my mind open to my body. 

I will STOP RUNNING at the 1st twinge of knee pain!

I will STOP RUNNING even if I am not out of the Y parking lot!

I will STOP RUNNING because….I want to RUN TOMORROW and the next day and the next and the next!!!

I will NOT RUN with pain!

I will NOT RUN through the pain!

I will NOT RUN because….. I want to run sooner rather than later!

Note To Self….Don’t Overdo It!

So I get up this morning and I’m not feeling pain.  A slight discomfort but that’s it.  I have been thinking of my workout for today and want so badly to include running to it.  I’m not going to.  I’m going to wait until tomorrow, one more day with no real stress on it will make it even that much stronger for tomorrow and Saturday’s long run.

So today I swim with Dawn and lift weights.  I really want to do a whole body but I think it’s best if I just do upper body and core conditioning today. 

I must be smarter about how I workout.  It’s like I’m new in love and am thinking with my heart instead of with my head.

Dedication or Stupidity?

Last week the Dr gave me the ok to run so of course I did.  I loaded my body up on ibuprofen and ran.  My foot in the morning is sore but not PAIN so I’ve taken that as a good sign.   

Monday’s run 6 on the treadmill was mentally tough but not physically till mile 5.  I hurt a little but not as much as maybe I thought I would have.  Come Tuesday I got up and gave myself some tylenol, because I was out of ibuprofen, and got myself to the Y and ran again.  I was pretty much in pain from 0 to 1 mile then it eased until mile 2 then it started up a little stronger than before.  Why, you may ask, did I not stop.  That is seriously a question I ask myself all the time. 

I got off that treadmill with out the ability to bend my knee.  I was in so much pain I hobbled right to the lalala lounge and asked for ice. 

Here’s the thing, I’m afraid of getting fat again.  I’m afraid if I stop running for any length of time after just having stopped because I was sick I will never be able to catch up and run this marathon.  Also, I truly love running!  I don’t want to miss even 1 run, I love the feeling of it.  It is a beautiful release and escape for me mentally and exhilaration for me physically.  I enjoy other physical activities but nothing like I feel when I’m running. 

So am I stupid or dedicated?  Yesterday when I got home I sat, I couldn’t walk without pain so I didn’t.  This morning I got up and I’m only a little sore, I can bend my knee without much pain, like a 2.  I’m not contemplating how great it would be to shovel.  I’m totally STUPID, the decision has been made.

Treadmill Run

Treadmill runs are mentally tough.  The impulse is to check your time, check your mileage, check your speed over and over and over for however many miles or minutes you can handle it. 

Today I had to run 6 miles on the DREADMILL.  I would have rather gone out in the cold and wind but I was worried about my foot creating too much pain for me to be out 3 miles and done.  Then what, I hope for a magical sleigh to pick me up; chances are my chances of that happening aren’t that great.

Dawn, what a great sport she is, ran inside with me and we chatted for the first 2 miles then we both upped the speed a little and quietly tried to find our bliss.  I caught mine alright up until mile 5 when my foot pain started creating knee pain. 

I finished out my 6 miles with a growth to my running.  I left with my head up high, a limp in my proud step knowing I am a runner.

Worst Day of the Week, Sunday

Sundays are the hardest day of the week for me.  You would think staying home all day with no agenda other than laundry, dishes, spending quality time with the family, changing sheets, and all other mother/wife things would make me feel complete but they don’t. 

Without physical activity I feel irritated and sulky and annoyed and disgruntled.  This is wrong so I feel like a bad parent and wife on top of it all and that makes GUILT!!!  I do most of those things most days of the week but with those things I get to workout and socialize and decompress.  Every other day of the week I have a schedule and the children and Jimmy know the schedule.  I don’t like being ho hum.  I’ve tried to make a Sunday agenda but it never seems to work, something always disrupts it or my time table gets off so I get even more bitchy. 

To add to my annoyance I am a little sore and the kids have spent a little too much time together so it all boils down to I don’t enjoy Sundays.  I really feel awful about saying this, more guilt, but as I sit here while my children fight over a puzzle piece I want to explode!  I do love them all, I have so many, but not on Sundays. 

I’m really just biding my time until 8 pm, bedtime for some!!!  Then till 9:30 pm, bedtime for the rest!!!

Lord help me, Monday can’t come soon enough!

Smart Running…Accomplished!

As I ran in from my 4.38 mile group run this morning I was extremely proud of myself.  I pushed my lungs but not my legs.  It always amazes me at how quickly the body loses its fitness level, especially cardiovascular health. 

My goal was to turn around at the water station and I did, my goal was to slow down if I felt I needed to and I did. 

I completed my run in 39:38.  I finished sore but not in pain. 

On a different topic; competitiveness

I have a problem with wanting to always compete.  I do not like to be in the back of the pack anymore.  My entire life, up until a year ago when I lost all this weight, I was totally fine with being on the sidelines or last or just finishing.  Now every time I go out I want to do the absolute best I can do.

For me it is not about my last workout it is about the workout NOW.  It is about today.  If I don’t workout today then I don’t feel like an aspiring athlete.  If I go out mentally easy then I feel like I’ve lost my mental edge. 

Today when I went out I started out harder than I usually do because I’m tired of going out easy and feeling like I have make up my speed to lower my average pace.  I’m always thinking “what do I want my average pace to be”  If I want my average to be 9 min mile or under than I know I have to go out at no slower than a 9:15 because I don’t want to have to spend the last 1/2 of my workout going faster than I can handle to make up for a slow start.  I know starting slower is important but I think I have, in the past, taken that a little too literally.  Now I feel like I’m sprinting off the block. 

So anyway, today I was told, “hey, yo, Mel, this isn’t a race”.  In my mind it always feels like a race. 

The clinic before the run today was on Mental Toughness, I’m thinking, I’ve got that but I don’t know if my body has as much as my mind.  I’ve got so much to learn with my aspirations to become a long distance runner.  I guess that’s life, always a learning process.

Smart Running

Met with the Doc yesterday re: my foot. I was informed that it is a strained muscle that goes from the outside of the foot up the calf. She has seen a few of these issues recently and it is due to the running on the slush and snow and having weak ankles.
I was given a few exercises to strengthen these muscles and told to ice and ibuprofen for inflammation. I was also released for SMART running.
Smart running, WHAT??? I can comprehend what this is right now, when I'm not running but I cannot guarantee anything once my feel start hitting the pavement. I need a mother out there running with me.
Smart running goal for today; water jogging and ankle/stability exercises and core strengthening. Smart running goal for tomorrow IE long run day; run only 5 miles!!!

Run Camp Meeting

Kalamazoo Marathon, Borgess 1/2 Marathon & 5K meeting last night. A few of us Y...Runners made it there to get even more excited about running this race and to get packet info. What an amazing group here in Kalamazoo ready to lead Michigan in health and fitness. I am so excited to be a part of it.

I will add, we were probably the only sub group that went for drinks after the meeting.

What a great night!

Learning More By Running Less

I'm assuming and I've been told, by non medical professionals, that chances are I have plantar fasciitis. I need to stay off my foot and ice and stretch and ice and ice and ice and wait even after it doesn't hurt to start running again. I hate icing, I hate waiting, I hate staying off; it makes me feel like one of those runners who doesn't run but always complains of the infamous shin splints.
I am not going to let this get me down mentally or physically. I am going to substitute my running with water jogging. I am going to continue lifting my upper body and core conditioning. I am not going to worry about whether I will be able to run 11 miles when I first start back up, I am going to go out slower and shorter distance. I am going to learn about pace, mental and physically.
Learning about why I tend to push myself so hard in some areas and not others is going to be a priority. 2 weeks, I can do this. It's only 2 weeks if I behave myself, hopefully. I can't promise how I'll act after that!

Out Again….

I’m finally feeling healthy but, of course, my life can’t just stay there.  My foot is, is pain.  Along the right side of my right foot is pain, not shooting up my leg pain or radiating to my toes pain but right there pain.

I hopped into the Y today to swim and lift my upper body looking completely ridiculous.  Someone told me to massage it out, someone told me to ice it; regardless of what I do I can’t run today or tomorrow or probably even the next day. 

So what can I do other than feel sorry for myself?  I can bike, swim, water jog, lift; I guess I’ve got plenty I can do. 

Tues and Thurs as a family we go to the Y at night, tonight I’m going to spinning class.  On the hunt to locate my bliss!

Sprinted It…

I feel like I can run forever, or at least 11.62 miles, outside but inside is a different level of toughness.  The treadmill is hard for me to run long on.  I try to lose myself in my music or talking with my running friends or just looking around at all the people in the gym but seriously, 4 miles is my limit. 

Due to that I try and split up the longer runs if I have to run them inside. Yesterday we were to run 6 miles but it was 4 degrees outside and I wasn’t interested in braving the cold again nor was my running partner, Dawn.  It was decided we would run sprints instead.  I pulled out an old sprint workout that we had done in the early early, pre-marathon training running.  In the beginning, back in October, we couldn’t complete this workout without having our recovery jog become a recovery walk and the 10 min cool down jog was a 5 min cool down walk.  We jogged we RAN we jogged we RAN we jogged we RAN….X 6. 

I think Dawn and I both needed an inspiring run and I think that was it, at least it was for me. 

However, because of the effort or wrong foot placement I think I may have pulled a muscle in my right foot.  It is great pain to put any pressure on it.  Today I must cross train.  It does seem like it is one thing after another.  Taking it in stride!

My Heaven

Each Saturday morning the alarm is set for 5:30 am.  Each Saturday morning I slip into consciousness with the knowledge that it is colder outside than in my warm bed.  Each Saturday morning I let uncertainty easy over my mind.  Each Saturday morning, that I am healthy, I get up anyway and put one foot on the floor, then the other and make a decision to run.

It is always an effort to make my mind do what my body doesn’t really want to do, at least at that moment.  I have to make my mind think, not of the run ahead of me, but the accomplishment and amazement I feel AFTER my run.  It is a mental game I play.

Once I park my car and walk into wherever the Borgess Running group is meeting I lose the doubt I had been carrying.  Once I open the door to facility we are meeting in I gain a little confidence.  Once I mingle with all of these beautiful runners I lose all “me”.  Once I begin running as a group I gain all “we”. 

This particular Saturday I was filled with even more doubt than usual due to my having not run any distance in weeks.  As I spoke to my coaches about how to gain the ability to run real mileage again I was reassured that running only what I could handle today was just fine.  “We are still gaining our base” they told me, “there is plenty of time” I was assured.  This particular Saturday we were to be running either 10, 11, or 12 miles.  The temperature was a balmy 7 degrees and it was lightly snowing. 

We suited up and left the building.  I had in my mind that I could do 6 miles; that means at the 3 mile mark I turn around.  I had it set that I would turn around regardless of how I felt because I didn’t want to over stress my body on my first run back but I wanted to make sure I was getting my legs and lungs back into the swing of what they had been missing.

By mile 2 I was in it.  By mile 3 I was in heaven.  I didn’t notice the cold or the slush.  I only felt my lungs, inhale step step exhale step step inhale step step exhale step step; the rhythm was peaceful and beautiful.  At that very time I believed in heaven, I believed that if heaven was individualized that my heaven would be filled with marathon runners in constant training and we would always feel this at one with ourselves. 

I ran 11.62 miles in 1:51:24, that equates to a 9:35 min mile. 

More Than Just Running

Running a marathon is so much more than just running.  Nutrition, time management, stretching, strength/core training; all of those things have to come into the equation. 

When I get up in the morning I have to do my “internet” thing and my study thing; that should be from 4-6 am.  By 6 I should be done with all that and begin my workout plan for the day; do I just run and stretch today or am I adding strength in there, where do I fit in the swimming I need to keep up with and lord help me, I don’t want to miss my
SBBC circuit training class at least 1 day a week.

After those things are completed my “mom” business starts.  Get or make sure the older kids are up and moving for school, get all food ready for myself and the little boys for before and after the Y.  The hardest for me of all my morning day is getting the little boys fed and dress and shoed.  Getting them into the van is painful, absolutely painful! 

I’m going to leave my running off of here because that is my main workout but at the Y it is all that I planned with the hopes of running into friends and chatting.  I love the Y and all of its people.

My “after” work is just life; kids, school, groceries, husband, dinner, the life stuff.  That part of my life seems to bring one extra unexpected event after another.  I would love to know what shhhhh….quiet……shhhhhh feels like.

Now, I’m running behind, it’s 6:06.

Reclaimed My BLISS!

I cannot even believe what a day today was;

I will start by saying things do not always go as I think they will, go figure.  I didn’t know if I’d even make it in to the Y today due to Walter’s pooping issues so I forced myself to be OK with that and hoped I’d make it at night with the family.  I had a plan of my morning, grocery shopping, lawyer appointment for my mom then go home and start making dinner.  Instead of that, Walter woke up and was as fine as can be so we got ready and were off to the Y.  I figured if he started pooping again they would just call me up but at least I’d get my ass out and give it an effort.  I also had in my head I would give another effort of the 2 miles running; I was hoping without stopping today.  I went passed where my SBBC class was and I was coaxed into it.  Oh, am I happy I was! 

Kraig, the instructor of SBBC, has us do, on occasion, track work; that means inchworm, lunges, bear crawl, kangaroo hops, long jumps and any other sort of thing he has dreampt up.  He always says he wants us to do 3 times around for each but we never have enough time.  Today that all changed for me.  I made it through each thing 3 times.  I left “tears of progress” up and down and all around that track.  On my backward lunges I held onto a 14lb medicine ball and on the last set he did some of the work with me, pushing me to go faster and faster.  I loved every single minute of it!!!

Lord help me if I didn’t just find all I had been missing over the last 2 weeks in the 1 hour long class.  My confidence was restored, my body felt strong, and my BLISS was found!

Tonight, we went to the Y as a family and I made it through my 2 miles of running.  I did stop and walk a few times because I had stomach cramps from what I ate before I came here but I ran it and my legs felt great and so did my lungs. 

I’M BACK BABY, I’M BACK AND READY TO ROCK IT!!!

Hopeful

I woke today unsure of my day plan.  It has been for the past year unquestioned, I go to the Y but today I didn’t feel so sure.  I took time to consider how much effort it takes to get everything ready to get there and hesitated…..

I am hesitant no longer, I am awake and it is not Sunday so I go to the Y. 

I am going under the assumption that something will sideline me but I’m hopeful that I will be able to see past, see there I go again looking forward to looking toward the bigger picture, the minutia. 

I have a plan of attack so I must leave my warm chair and attack!

Life Has A Way…

Life has a way, sometimes, of getting in my way.  I am learning to “roll with it”, as I tell my husband all the time, but it is so tough.  Life is always throwing me a curve ball to see if I can dodge it.  The very minute I turn my head I get slammed and reminded to keep my head and eyes forward. 

The hits I take are typically based upon my own laziness.  I have such tunnel vision that I lose sight of important details.  I’m always trying to see the BIG picture but by doing that I don’t bother to look at the minutia of the day to day. 

The things I think are important other’s don’t seem to understand and visa versa.  It’s the little things, I really need to figure out how to pay attention to the little things. 

Today, again, I am home.  Life got in my way.  As with my norm I’m going to disregard today, probably a bad choice, and just get through till tomorrow. 

IDIOT

While wallowing in my sickness and self pity I made a rookie mistake.  I went out for a beer, it started as simply as having a coffee at Barnes & Noble but soon gravitated toward a pizzeria. Beer for dinner is never a good idea; however, I was looking to be taken out of my funk. 

2 beers later we, Anne and I, decided to take it to the next level.  We brought the girls, Molly and her friend, home and went to a pub for a bloody mary.  That, of course, led to more beer and then pub food.  That, of course, led to me stumbling home after midnight.

All of the above errors in judgment have led to me waking with a hangover wishing I didn’t have to function today.  Isn’t that why I was pitying myself in the 1st place, feeling like shit and wallowing in self pity…

NEED EXERCISE

I am trying to be kind to my body and keep the rest flowing but I’m dying here.  I’ve been wanting to move so badly but this morning I just feel NOTHING.  That scares me more than feeling agitated.  I’m afraid of losing my mojo; I’m afraid of losing my leg power; I’m afraid of doing 5 light squats and being sore for 5 days after. 

I should research how quickly our muscle memory stays or should I really ask how quickly muscle memory fades.  I’m afraid today.

I can only handle so much of this; I’m at the end of my rope.

Bitchin Runners, Pride

So Dawn finished the Snowbuster 1/2 Marathon with a time of 2:27:00, approximately (this was not a timed race so actuality is a few minutes or so off, you know you never start at the start when they start the clock).  She said it was an out and back but…..down an unplowed dirt road with fields on either side of her.  The wind, snow and cold did not make an easy run.  What a great 1st time running that distance.

 

I’m Out!

Last night, with the knowledge that even if I am feeling a touch better running that race will just make me sick sick sicker after it’s over. 

My left ear is now plugged and starting to hurt.  I’m not sure if I should go back to the dr. More rest and basic life functioning is in my future for at least the next few days.

Dawn and Colleen took it well.  Dawn was right when she said this is not the only 1/2 in our future.  I’m sure they will do amazingly and I’ll get a text when they are finished; they’ll be ecstatic and I’ll be pissed.

Hopefully Anne, a friend that was coming along for the fun of watching and being in a hotel for a few days, will take it as well.  Maybe we can go to dinner and a movie instead.

Please, something else to write about

Nope, No such luck.  All I am is sick and all I think of is when will I not be sick!  I’m obsessed, I’m consumed with self pity about being sick.

My poor husband; he receives a call from me that I’m so sick I can’t make dinner.  I offer to do his most favorite thing, pick up dinner from a restaurant and bring it home.  Are you kidding me, nope he says and says he’ll stop at the store on his way home from work and make something when he gets home.  He gets home and I’m in bed pissed because it took him so long to get home to deal with the children, yes, I really was pissed because I had to crawl my sick ass out of bed for a minute to grab a chocolate milk for the boys.  From there he has to go pick up Clarke from school and Molly from some after school function and come home to make dinner.  He brings me dinner in bed, brings me water and juice and doesn’t complain or even look totally irritated.  He then cleans up to the best of his ability with the kids scurrying around him and puts them to bed at an appropriate time. 

Where was I you may wonder, I was asleep in bed.  I’m a mess.  I am staying home today and I’m attempting to rest, drink, rest, drink and finish cleaning the kitchen and making a meal.  The idea of all that work is giving me a headache!  I need drugs to wipe this sickness out of me!

I’m going to end up single if I don’t shape up!

OMG, Come On Already

I cannot seem to shrug off this head cold.  I also know in the long run, meaning in months from now, I won’t even know why I wasted my time stressing about this. 

The question is the same….To run or not to run.  Is it OK to run short easy inside without making my immune system more compromised. 

I’m wrapping my life around making sure I am healthy enough to run 13.1 miles outside in January in Mt. Pleasant Michigan, did I already say JANUARY in MT PLEASANT….

I’m taking it to the internet.  All questions can be answered there.

The Power of an Fitness Instructor

I ended up going to the Y to swim today.  It wasn’t a good idea.  My head and nose are so stuffy that I couldn’t breath and due to my ear being plugged I felt the need to constantly be smacking the side of my head thinking that maybe something would pop out and allow me to hear again.  Sticking my head in the water did nothing to make me feel better.

Due to that not being a workout I decided to go to SBBC, boot camp.  Our typical instructor was out and the sub we were left with was incredibly awful!  I didn’t realize how much impact the instructor had on the enjoyment of a class, take it from my experience today, it makes all the difference in the world. 

I don’t think that you need a break every time you do something 10 times; 10 squats, 30 sec break and now take a sip of water.  Are you kidding I haven’t even broken a sweat yet.  Now do a lunge with a weight on your shoulder, why, that had no impact on my lunge.  I haven’t ever walked out of a class up until today.  It was torture; the excitement level was in the toilet, the quality of the exercise was nonexistent.  It wasn’t worth my time!

Lesson to self; make each class I evidentially teach upbeat, enough work to make you “find your BLISS”, and get the participants in the class involved.  Make it FUN. 

Stil Sick, Still Unsure

This is day 6 of being officially sick. I'm still stuffed up beyond belief and my ear is still ringing and I can't hear out of it. My throat no longer hurts but my head feels fuzzy.
I'm going back to the gym anyway. I don't know if that's a good idea or not but the amount of energy I have is making me feel like I'm on speed.
Being away from exercise; who would have ever thought that this would make me feel unlike me. Make me feel CRAZY! I miss the people, the conversations, the mental solitude that can be found when I hit that "BLISS". Just when the sweat starts to bead on my head, I get a rush. It's like a drug that I've become so addicted to.
After I had Pryor, he's 3 1/2, I became in love with Vicodin. It made me not whacked but just a little numb. Exercise for me is just the opposite, I feel ALIVE! I feel a surge of pleasure as pure as an orgasm. Blood rushes from and to each extremity. I flush. It is BLISS at it's most basic level.
Lord help me, I'm in love!

Disappointed

Late last year we decided to try and get Jimmy, my husband, sponsored for triathlons. We felt we were ready as a family to make this type of commitment to his level of training and a hectic racing schedule.
Finally today was the day that they were going to announce whether he was picked or not; he was not. I am the one who filled out the application so of course there is a little wondering as to my choices on what to put on the application. I know there are other companies out there who do sponsor and that we shouldn't expect to be accepted by the first one we applied to but.....it's still disappointing.
Now I move down on the list. Who will the lucky company be...

To Run or Not To Run

I’m awake, it’s 6 am.  I’m unsure how to handle my day.  I could certainly get up and moving and make it to the gym by 9 for the 4 mile run but is that what I should be doing. 

My throat is feeling like normal.  My ear is still completely plugged but no pain.  My body feels good.  It’s really a matter of should I take 1 more day off or jump back in now. 

The trouble is…I’ll never know the right answer until either I do get sick again because my body still needed time or I’ll be completely fine and 4 days of NOTHING was enough for my body to fully recover. 

I wish I had a “moderate” key within me.  I tend to go balls out or don’t bother going at all. 

I don’t know what to do…I guess I’ll check my email and go from there.

Still Sick

I am at a loss when I am unable to exercise. I feel for the past 4 years I've had one reason after another not to exercise. Now, it is the exact opposite; I'm making up one excuse after another to exercise even though the Dr told me to take some time off and recharge my body.
I'm going crazy!!!