Middle of the Month

The middle of the month is always the same. I sit at my desk and add up all which I currently owe. I add in all things that I owed last time we were paid and didn't pay. I also add up any and all I am currently overdrawn. Then I, with anticipation and trepidation, log onto my banking web site in the hopes that a unexpected raise was given to my husband to make all these things possible. At the point when I realize that there was no raise and his check is the same I reevaluate what I need to pay and what can wait.
See the problem isn't that my husband doesn't get paid enough the problem is I spend too much. Financial independence isn't about the money you take in, it is all about the money that goes out. I cannot control my spending.
To some it would seem I don't spend much but anything over your budget is too much. Now I don't spend a lot of money on clothes, things for the house, or extravagant vacations I spend money on food. I love good quality food. I don't eat boxed foods or frozen meals. I don't eat or make my menu based upon what is on sale this week, I eat what I want to eat. I don't compromise in herbs or purchase lesser quality cheeses I will purchase every item on the recipe and sometimes I add a few extra items that I think will make it taste just a touch better.
I behave, financially, as though money will somehow miraculously appear in my mailbox and all will be just fine. Well, after years of waiting for that mysterious check, surprisingly enough, it hasn't ever come. I tell myself, "this week I am going to live within my budget and only buy what I truly need", but I can't. I truly do not possess the ability to go the grocery store and not pick up a few extra things or get a different brand of an item because it is on sale. There are the times when I have to send my husband to the grocery store because he is reasonable and will come back home spending a third of what I would have spent. This is my biggest fault. It creates more problems that would not be there if I could just live within my means.
Here's the problem, more money won't make it better. I would just spend more, see this is when I truly believe people when they say money doesn't create happiness. For me wealth wouldn't make a lick of difference, my overdraft would just be bigger and, sadly enough, the cycle during the middle of the month would be the same.