Re-Focusing

The body is amazing; in that respect it doesn’t matter if it’s working properly or not, it all works and fits together like a chain.  When just one piece is out of place you get all sorts of kinks in the links.

My Saturday run was difficult, to say the least.  In my mind I had decided to only run as far as I could without pain.  The first sign of pain and I was to turn around and head back (thankfully these courses are typically an out and back). 

I made it out to the third mile before I started to feel any real twinging.  It wasn’t pain so I pushed on a little bit further, by mile 3.8 I knew it was officially pain so I turned around and headed by.  Once the pain started it was excruciating!  I was able to run till mile 6.51 then it was all done.  I had to walk the rest of the way up to the fitness center. 

The walk was horrific.  I am a runner, I don’t discredit walkers but I’m not excited about having to walk while other runners are passing me up telling me “good job”.  I wanted to cry.  I tried to lift my knee to run but NO WAY.  Physically is was painful but mentally it was so much worse.  To know my group was running 12 and I couldn’t….I have mental issues regarding not being able to do what I, mentally, want to do.

Made it up, met with a few friends who had their first run with the group, grabbed a bagel and headed for the doc room.  Side note; this group has 6 or so doctors that volunteer their services before or after a run.  They are sports med drs, orthopedic docs, and general practitioner docs.  They sometimes run with the group but not all of them all the time.  They always have a few ready for action if you happen to limp in.

Doc checked me out and told me my FIBULA WAS STUCK, stuck.  What the hell is that.  How does it get stuck and stuck where exactly.  I can say I don’t fully understand it all but apparently my fibula is stuck in superior glide and it’s going to take some manipulation to get it out and keep it out.  Lots of “bend your knee” press press press “straighten it a little, just a touch” press press press “now fully straight” press press press.  The pain, OMG, the pain on the tip of that bone is just awful.  He showed Jimmy how to do the move and press thing and told me I’d be good as new but I’d probably new a few other adjustments because when, as I stated earlier, one link is out of place then the chain is all out of whack.

Over the weekend I’ve had Jimmy pressing me.  I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like it did when the doc did it.  I’m going to be calling the chiropractor this morning and I’m hoping he will be able to get me in quick.

Food Consumption

With all these workouts coming up short I’ve been trying to cut back my calories.  I hadn’t been counting and up until Sunday I hadn’t been feeling heavy but oh I am now. 

Yesterday, Sunday, I decided to start counting again.  Not for weight loss but for weight maintenance.  I am allowed about 2200 calories per day without working out.  I measured and made the recipe calculations and went by the old addage from weight watchers, you lick it or bite it you must write it.  I logged everything and was over by 558 and I know I typically eat more and more often than that.  Good grief!  What an eye opener.  I’m back in the saddle again counting everything and measuring everything.  I’ve got to get back to eating the way I should. 

It would have been so much easier if I hadn’t stopped counting.  Now going back to doing that seems like so much effort.  I’m out of the food loop.  I guess I’m going back in. 

So Much For Running

I don’t know if I’ve gone into detail previously regarding how much fucking work it is to get all the boys fed, dressed, bags and lunch packed for after the Y and all the boys in the van and into the Y.  It takes me at least 1 1/2hr not including drive time.  I do all these things this morning and get them into the Y, which is absolutely a horrible task because Pryor has decided he can’t walk into the Y anymore without either holding my pants or dragging down my bag because a car might possibly hit him.  Walter, well he can’t walk in by himself because he doesn’t have a care in the world for cars and will just walk wherever.  I’ve got the diaper bag on my shoulder, my gym bag on my other shoulder, Walter in my arms, my food bag in my hand and Pryor hanging on me all the while Clarke freaking out because I won’t let him wear mittens, because he always loses them, and he’s FREEZING.

We make in in and get our boots off, which is another crazy ass task, get everyone into the tot spot and I’m asked…”does Walter have 5ths disease” I don’t think so, I answer…”well, then he probably will get it because Clarke and Pryor have had it” OK, I reply…”well then he can’t stay in here because they are contagious before they break out in the rash”  Holy shit, are you kidding me, I asked “nope, he can come back next week” 

We actually had to leave because Walter did NOT have 5ths disease.  I was so pissed!!!  Are you KIDDING ME.  He can’t come in because he doesn’t have it.  The ladies in tot spot are awesome and they take great care of my boys; there have been a few times when my boys have been pooping pooping and knowing I would almost be done with my workout they haven’t called me in.  I really couldn’t believe it.  Clarke was having a freak out because he was starting to play with his friends.  Walter couldn’t understand and thankfully didn’t have any issues with it, Pryor was a champ too.  I wasn’t!!! 

I didn’t want to bring them home so they could screech all around me and just make a huge mess so I decided to take them to the library.  Now I am not one of those “library” moms.  I don’t hover and coddle.  I’m a hands free kind of mom.  We go in and YOU play.  Mommy doesn’t play, I just don’t.  I’ll read you a story and play a puzzle but I’m not a pushing trucks, following my kids around a play area kind of mom.  I think I was the only mother who has more than 2 kids and when I told one of the moms I had 5 total I think she was going to choke. 

Those moms totally get on my nerves.  My life does revolve around my family to some extent but they are not my entire existence.  I think if you took kids out of any of their equations they wouldn’t have anything left to talk about.  I guess maybe if you took working out out of mine I wouldn’t have much to say other than my kids typically suck but god they really need to get a hobby! 

I know I shouldn’t judge them because I don’t know them but just from the little I overheard I couldn’t stand it.  This is why I don’t really like women.  It’s like if they aren’t GREAT parents and GREAT wives, well then they aren’t GREAT.  I can’t handle GREAT, I really like mediocre.  I like average.  I like parents who know their kids suck and they love them anyway.  I like women who love their husbands but know they suck too.  I like real people with real life problems who work though them and make it through those issues with humor or foul language or irritation but I don’t like the smiley ones.  I like women who say FUCK, I like women who don’t think the word PUSSY is an insult.  I like women who don’t have to schedule each and every minute of their day.  I like women who drink scotch for lunch because, just because. 

Well then.  Now that I have that off my chest I’m sure I’ll get a great night sleep. 

So to all those moms out there who love their kids but know they are shitty, I would like to be your friend.  To all the moms who scowl when their kid wants to climb up on their lap with sticky hands, I wanna hear from you.  To all those women who like to have a compliment from their husband but don’t feel their day must not have been productive enough if they don’t get it, well then, you and I would get along just fine!

It’s no wonder I don’t have many friends, hahaha!  I’ll work on myself tomorrow while I’m out running my 6-12 mile, depending on how my knee is.

Run Smart…..Smartly Running

I am going into today’s 6 mile run with my mind open to my body. 

I will STOP RUNNING at the 1st twinge of knee pain!

I will STOP RUNNING even if I am not out of the Y parking lot!

I will STOP RUNNING because….I want to RUN TOMORROW and the next day and the next and the next!!!

I will NOT RUN with pain!

I will NOT RUN through the pain!

I will NOT RUN because….. I want to run sooner rather than later!

Note To Self….Don’t Overdo It!

So I get up this morning and I’m not feeling pain.  A slight discomfort but that’s it.  I have been thinking of my workout for today and want so badly to include running to it.  I’m not going to.  I’m going to wait until tomorrow, one more day with no real stress on it will make it even that much stronger for tomorrow and Saturday’s long run.

So today I swim with Dawn and lift weights.  I really want to do a whole body but I think it’s best if I just do upper body and core conditioning today. 

I must be smarter about how I workout.  It’s like I’m new in love and am thinking with my heart instead of with my head.

Dedication or Stupidity?

Last week the Dr gave me the ok to run so of course I did.  I loaded my body up on ibuprofen and ran.  My foot in the morning is sore but not PAIN so I’ve taken that as a good sign.   

Monday’s run 6 on the treadmill was mentally tough but not physically till mile 5.  I hurt a little but not as much as maybe I thought I would have.  Come Tuesday I got up and gave myself some tylenol, because I was out of ibuprofen, and got myself to the Y and ran again.  I was pretty much in pain from 0 to 1 mile then it eased until mile 2 then it started up a little stronger than before.  Why, you may ask, did I not stop.  That is seriously a question I ask myself all the time. 

I got off that treadmill with out the ability to bend my knee.  I was in so much pain I hobbled right to the lalala lounge and asked for ice. 

Here’s the thing, I’m afraid of getting fat again.  I’m afraid if I stop running for any length of time after just having stopped because I was sick I will never be able to catch up and run this marathon.  Also, I truly love running!  I don’t want to miss even 1 run, I love the feeling of it.  It is a beautiful release and escape for me mentally and exhilaration for me physically.  I enjoy other physical activities but nothing like I feel when I’m running. 

So am I stupid or dedicated?  Yesterday when I got home I sat, I couldn’t walk without pain so I didn’t.  This morning I got up and I’m only a little sore, I can bend my knee without much pain, like a 2.  I’m not contemplating how great it would be to shovel.  I’m totally STUPID, the decision has been made.

Treadmill Run

Treadmill runs are mentally tough.  The impulse is to check your time, check your mileage, check your speed over and over and over for however many miles or minutes you can handle it. 

Today I had to run 6 miles on the DREADMILL.  I would have rather gone out in the cold and wind but I was worried about my foot creating too much pain for me to be out 3 miles and done.  Then what, I hope for a magical sleigh to pick me up; chances are my chances of that happening aren’t that great.

Dawn, what a great sport she is, ran inside with me and we chatted for the first 2 miles then we both upped the speed a little and quietly tried to find our bliss.  I caught mine alright up until mile 5 when my foot pain started creating knee pain. 

I finished out my 6 miles with a growth to my running.  I left with my head up high, a limp in my proud step knowing I am a runner.

Worst Day of the Week, Sunday

Sundays are the hardest day of the week for me.  You would think staying home all day with no agenda other than laundry, dishes, spending quality time with the family, changing sheets, and all other mother/wife things would make me feel complete but they don’t. 

Without physical activity I feel irritated and sulky and annoyed and disgruntled.  This is wrong so I feel like a bad parent and wife on top of it all and that makes GUILT!!!  I do most of those things most days of the week but with those things I get to workout and socialize and decompress.  Every other day of the week I have a schedule and the children and Jimmy know the schedule.  I don’t like being ho hum.  I’ve tried to make a Sunday agenda but it never seems to work, something always disrupts it or my time table gets off so I get even more bitchy. 

To add to my annoyance I am a little sore and the kids have spent a little too much time together so it all boils down to I don’t enjoy Sundays.  I really feel awful about saying this, more guilt, but as I sit here while my children fight over a puzzle piece I want to explode!  I do love them all, I have so many, but not on Sundays. 

I’m really just biding my time until 8 pm, bedtime for some!!!  Then till 9:30 pm, bedtime for the rest!!!

Lord help me, Monday can’t come soon enough!