Training for a Marathon

I've taken on a few new adventures as of late. I have decided to train for the 1st Kalamazoo Marathon. I've also decided to study and become ACE certified as a personal trainer. This past year as been so transformational for me in terms of losing all my fatness and discovering who I am and who I want to be.
I'm adding on.
Recent past; I've lost 90lbs since having Walter, who is now 14 months. During that personal transformation I have gained back self esteem, a great body (way better than the one I had before), and a new outlook on life.
This new and improved Momma MEL is ready to take on the world, starting with myself. I am going to be making up a study schedule, workout schedule, family schedule. I have found that schedule and routine has made me more productive. I'm hoping to keep this all up.
Here I go!

Starting Again

I have made myself so busy by living that I haven't taken the time to type out a little of my thoughts...starting a little later. I'm off to my workout!

Weight Loss

I started on this weight loss path as soon as I delivered my last son. At that time I was 241 lbs. After all the swelling went away and the baby bulge went down I was at a sturdy 209 lbs. That weight was taken when Walter was 4 weeks, at that time I could officially exercise and the struggle began. Walter is now 25 weeks old and I am down to 195 lbs. I have lost 14 lbs through serious exercise work but I cannot cut out calories because I am still nursing.
My husband and work out instructor tell me I have been reshaping my body but this is going so slowly. I have added Pilate's classes and interval training on the treadmill in the hopes of speeding up this weight loss process but I am so discouraged when I look at my arms and they are still so fat. I know fat is relative but for my body I am not supposed to look this way.
I have been told by my work out instructor last week to stop looking at the scale for 6 weeks and see where I am at that time and if nothing significant is happening to change things up again.
So here I am, worrying about whether I lost or gained weight last week. It is truly an obsession. On to another workout...

Life's Ups and Downs

My life has always been a roller coaster ride. I do not seem to posses the ability to avert off disaster. I ignore the signs of the future because I am literally too lazy to bother until I am smack down in shit. Unfortunately for my family they come along for the same ride.
I married the most stable man I have ever met however, he doesn't like confrontation, even with me. It is his best and worst quality. I think he does actually see the upcoming problems and would like to do something about them but I try to stop him from getting involved so he doesn't. The craziest part is I don't want him to get upset with me if I've done something wrong, just his looking at me or asking a question is too hard for me to deal with.
He has been asking me and asking me to allow him to help with the bills. Finally last night I gave in and he questioned the amount of the phone bill and the cable bill. Well, these two bills I know are high because of the added things I want but we definitely don't need. So he, of course, says that we can cut back on these few things to help out the household as a whole but I don't want that. My solution is not to cut back but for him to ask for a raise. He completely shuts down and our whole conversation is over. I know he's right and I should cut back on a few things and he knows I'm right and he really does deserve a raise and should ask for one but we both know these things are not going to happen so our life will continue on another year in the same up down fashion.
I wish for one day he would just shut off the things we don't need and I wish I could tell his boss the reasons he deserves a raise and that he'll walk if he doesn't get one. I guess my real hope for the future is that our kids are each somewhere in between the both of us. Right now I feel us on the clickity clack, clickity clack going up up up up. This is just the beginning of the 2010 roller coaster, we shall see where this ride takes us. I will say, up or down or spinning on the corkscrew we will be on this ride together smiling, screaming, laughing and crying. What a great life I live!!!

Going Political

So, a Republican won in Massachusetts. I, as a liberal with a capital L, is so pleased. For the past year the Democrats have squandered their time doing nothing but fighting amongst themselves and, as much as I want a liberal agenda put into policy they weren't doing what they said they would.
The Republicans are just better politicians. Democratic politicians are so worried about shoving policy through when they shouldn't have be. The Republicans don't seem to have the same problem when they come into the majority. They are more than willing to ram anything they want into law without worrying about the fallback because regardless of the fallback it is now law. Criticize them all you want but at least they know what they want to do and they actually get it done.
The Democrats are pussies. They have waited for so long, or so it seems to me, to be the majority but when we finally are the very policies that were won on couldn't seem to make it past the vote. It's like they are still in high school looking to be accepted by talking the talk but can't seem to put on their pants and walk it.
If this loss in Massachusetts doesn't make them take a good hard look at what they want to accomplish they are going to lose big in the fall with nothing to show for the majority they once had. Even as I write this, it may already be too late.

I Feel.....Nothing

It has been a long busy weekend in our home; household duties accomplished to some degree, expectations from the children to do SOMETHING, another Christmas to be had and a night out with my husband and a friend. Usually on Monday's I feel energized. It seems strange that all the people I know dread Monday's and I look forward to them so much. It is, in my opinion, the beginning of a new week. I have a schedule that I enjoy but today I don't feel it. I wish I had had one more weekend day to be prepared for Monday. I don't want to leave the house but I don't really want to stay here either. I want to work out but I don't really have the desire to put any effort into it. I just want to PUTZ around. No real purpose in it or meaning to it.
I really love my life. I love that I don't have to do anything but feed the children if I don't want to. That is really my only obligation, I love that. I love that my husband doesn't put demands upon me. I think that makes me lazy. I think I really am lazy, I wash dishes and do laundry and all other household duties but I don't really do the little things. Like....anything extra. Every now and again I get a burr up my butt to rearrange but it's not very often and usually it is because I have someone coming over. I don't know if this is something to be proud of.
Maybe coming alive today won't happen until after I hit the gym? Maybe I'll feel something then?

My Rant

I can tolerate and be friends with people who disagree with me. I don't need constant reassurance that I am correct and I am also not afraid to open my mind to another opinion or way of thinking. I recently found out I was Defriended on Facebook because I posted "I'm tired of getting Jesus posts". This isn't about whether I believe in Jesus or not, it is about the fact that I don't want anymore of those posts. But there is a bigger issue to be discussed about people not having tolerance anymore for those who are different.
I feel racism morphing into religiousism, politicism, incomism, educationism. Everything that made the American aspiration of equality seems to be disappearing. I don't know if it is fear in the unknown or fear of someone taking their spot in school or work but we will never achieve greatness if we, as a whole people, continue to knock down the very people who we will eventually need to help pick us back up.
I guess I'm not laughing anymore or needing to vent; I am now sad for those who can't see past their own single mindedness to the beauty of the collective whole.