Life As A Parent

One of my best qualities is my ability to strive, I can be like a bull dog when I want something.  I don’t mind hard work.  One of my worst qualities is my inability to handle disappointment when what I’d been striving for doesn’t work out like I had planned and from there I lose my direction and pitter out completely. 

I have been like that lately with not only my workouts and eating but also with my parenting.  My oldest just turned 16He’s a really good kid but, as with all 16 year olds, he is often misguided and needs direction and attention constantly.  He is trying to find out who he is and who he hopes to be.  I have always thought that if you guide them well up through their teen years they will have a good sense of themselves and not be so easily side tracked but I’ve been wrong in this thinking.  It doesn’t ease or end; he needs me now to be ultra involved much more than ever before.  The problem with this is he doesn’t totally know it so there is a push pull cycle going on.  There are times he still acts like he’s a little kid wrestling with the little boys but then the rest of the time he is being directed by his penis.  I feel like I always have to be “ON ALERT”.  Mentally I don’t ever seem to get a break even when he’s not with me physically.  There are times like this when I realize I am a real parent.  I don’t wonder why my hair seems to be graying and the wrinkles around my eyes seem a little deeper.

As with most of my life I have discovered that I have been a little slack so I, now, have redirected my path of action and am back to being the ever present presence.  Now the goal is to not lose sight of everything else while I put more eggs in my 16 year old basket, so to speak.

Re-commiting

February is always a hard month for me to get through. To me it is like how middle school was, something I had to get through to get on with my life. Each February I go into it with the idea that, "this year will be different, I have a better attitude"; each year it is, unfortunately, the same. Injury and illness and family obligations become overwhelming when I haven't seen the sun for any length of time. I am tired of winter but I know winter hasn't sung its last song yet.
I, actually the dr, has made the discovery as to why my knee is giving me such issues and I have corrected what I can. I am tired of being injured and don't want to focus on it anymore. I just want to run regardless of how many miles or how fast those miles go by. I also want to focus on getting back into my old workouts of heavy lifting.
March is right around the corner so that means I am thinking spring and my birthday and my wedding anniversary. It also means focusing on my last little bit of weight loss. I did such a great job at not gaining through the holidays, as a matter of fact I lost weight in November, December and January. How then did I end up gaining 6 lbs in February; because I lose all sense of what my real goals are in February. I just duck my head down and pound my way to the end regardless of how much cake I eat, how many lattes I drink or how many warm creamy soups I slurp.
Soooo, I am back on board. I have only a few more February days to get through then I'm back. It's funny because even as I write this I am thinking "well, tomorrow we are going to chuckie cheese and coldstone creamery so don't really commit until March 1st, don't set yourself up for failure". CRAZY!
I will be realistic that I will be eating shitty for one more weekend. March 1st is like everyone else's New Year weight loss resolution; on that day I will start all over.

My Running Love Story

When I met my husband I was not a runner and I did not know he was. I had been exercising, which is what I called myself an exerciser. I had no aspirations to be more than that, I really don't know deep down if I even wanted to be that or if I felt peer pressure from my neighbor to be at least that.
I didn't even tell him I was training for my 1st 5K until the night before. We met out for drink and in a drunken moment I told him that the next day I was going to try and complete my first race. He couldn't belive it....he was so upset with me for being out and for not telling him. It was during that night of too much beer he told me of all the races he had completed. He also told me of his aspirations to be a triathlete. I was in awe, I couldn't believe he wouldn't think I was crazy and I think he didn't tell me because he thought I would think he was.
Needless to say, I think that was the real beginning for us. I found someone I could share some inner worries about my abilities and he encouraged me.
I encouraged him to buy a road bike and we started making Tuesday nights our track night. We would take my kids and run sprints then go for pizza after.
That year, 2002, was a transformational year for us emotionally and for our athletic discoveries. He would watch the kids for me to do my long runs, as I was training for my 1st 1/2 marathon. I would take the kids to his house so we could tag team our runs; he would make dinner and watch the kids while I ran then I would set the table and make the final touches while he ran. I would row the boat along side of him as he swam in the lake and he tried, desperately, to help me not look quite so cat like while I swam (he never had to row just sort of coast along side of me while I flapped). Our weekends away together were to go to a race. Sometimes we would bring along a sitter or my parents or his parents met us to watch the kids if we raced together or he would get to race and we would be his cheering section or visa versa.
That continued for 2 years until I ended up over doing it and had a few bulging discs. He then cared for me and the kids while I recovered which took much longer than either of us had imagined it would.
We learned so much about each other's strengths and weaknesses during those years training together. When we married in 2005 and subsequently had 3 more children we lost sight of who we were, not only as individuals but also the companionship of having that love of training together.
In 2009 after our son was born I was mentally ready to go back to those days. I wanted that self back, I wanted that man back; the goals, the drive, the sweat, the encouragement, the shared love of training and racing. It took a little longer for me to pester him to start back up but 2010 was a renewal for us, for our whole family.
We have amazing goals for ourselves for this upcoming year. I love my husband for so many reasons but I fell in love with him for the 1st time while sprinting out 400's on the track.

Runner's World.com's Guide to Love and Running

Runner's World.com's Guide to Love and Running

Raise Your Voice

I have been a member of the Y since before my 5 year old was born.  It definitely doesn’t mean I always used it as I should have but I have been paying my monthly dues for that long.  After the birth of Walter, my 16 month old, I knew I was all done being fat and I was going to get into some sort of a routine; I needed the Y and their Tot Spot to do that.  I truly feel like they are all a part of my extended family.  They have listened to me vent and loved my kids and watched my transformation from a STURDY 241lbs down to a slim, fit 145lb.  They encouraged me and supported me by being so good to the boys. 

They allow children to be in there for 3 hours as long as the parent is in the building.  I, typically, use every single minute of that time to workout, shower and chat with the wonderful staff and the friends I have made there.  They are not the fanciest facility but they feel like family to me. 

Today I didn’t get to go and work out due to a rash that has broken out on Clarke.  I used the day to catch up on laundry and dishes, make a nice dinner and snuggle.  Sometime this afternoon I received an awful announcement from a Y friend, who also has kids she puts in the tot spot, that they were limiting our kids hours down to 2.  Now, I know this may seem like a lot of time but it’s not.  If I’m going to the Y I’m working out for a full 2 hours, most days.  My Wednesday runs alone should be taking me around 2 hours.  That leaves no time to eat or shower let alone chat with friends about how our workout was or steam to warm up my buns from the freezing cold conditions when we run outside.  I was absolutely in a panic. 

I called Sheri, at the tot spot, and asked if this was accurate.  Yes, she told me, it is so busy most days now that they can’t handle all the kids and mothers have been having to wait outside of tot spot for a kid to leave so their kid could go in.  Well, that to me sounds crazy.  We have a huge gym that isn’t utilized during the day, for the most part, why can’t the toddlers play in the gym instead of being in the tot spot room.  That right there would free up space.  Anyway, I totally lost my mind.  I called my friend, who is in charge of member services and left her a message that if this is really happening I would have to look for another gym because I needed more time than that.  Plus, I pay extra for the full service locker room because I eat after my workout and they have a mini kitchen area we can use. I also called the fitness director and explained that I would need to decline the job offer for spring if this were to take place because I couldn’t finish my full workout and teach during this new restrained time.  He told me to give him some time to check into it.

I have other mom friends who felt the same way so around and around it went via text message and email and facebook. I was calling other fitness facilities in the area to see if I could find somewhere else we, the moms who work out for longer than 2 hours, could re-locate.  I was in full panic mode.  The very idea that this was happening was seriously freaking me out.  I felt like a MAJOR part of my world was collapsing.  I couldn’t believe it.

Finally, I got a call from the member service director, she informed me that “no, nothing has been finalized yet; this is just something they are considering due to the influx of new members”.  I think new members are awesome but not necessarily at the expense of the old ones.  I think new accommodations need to be met.  She informed me I didn’t need to worry about this and that everything is the same as it has been.  I added my 2 cents re: having the older kids go to the gym to play then we discussed whether or not her and the kids were coming to my oldests birthday party next week. 

I don’t know if I am right or wrong in causing such a fuss.  However, I do know that, at least for now, my mom friends and I can continue our marathon/ 1/2 marathon training in addition to weight lifting, pilates, SBBC circuit training and swimming with the bonus of eating our post workout snack and a shower. 

Right or wrong, good or bad; I’m thankful I let my voice be heard. 

WOWWZA, Insanity

How can one be so IN LOVE with exercise.  I never ever ever in my young life would have guess that this would be me at 36 years of age.  As a child and young adult I would never exercise, how ridiculous!  Now, that sounds ridiculous.

Yesterday I woke with no pain, NONE!  Monday I worked out with NO pain, NONE!  However, the scale has gone up up up X 6 lbs since I have not been doing what I usually do and I had been eating a little too much, maybe a little more than a little.  Well, my eating is getting better; not great by any means but I’m definitely more conscientious about what I put in my mouth.

So because the scale is up and I’m in no pain, I’m going to do what Mel does best; work the fat I’ve recently been collecting off of this body.  I had a 3hr workout plan in mind and I was going to bust it out of the park.

1 hour of elliptical, still afraid to try running just yet.  45 mins of serious ass busting weight training and track work, this consisted of squats, deadlifts, good mornings, lunges (which I couldn’t do because my knee told me immediately that this was no good), pull-ups, push-ups, bicept curls, inch worms around the track, box jumps, and scissor kicks.  From there I went into the pool with Dawn, 500 meters.  I’m a truly horrible swimmer but I need to do it.  It’s good for me to do something I’m not good at for my mental well being.

Came home, brining the sleeping kids in the house and ouch, I felt something not right happen on my right side.  Immediately I called the sat down, turned on cartoonies for the boys and called the chiropractor.  He got me in in the afternoon and fixed me right up again.  My pelvis and hip and foot had shifted from their proper alignment.  All that working out and I felt great, lifting and carrying awkward  kids and bop, I’m hurt.  Crazy how kids can just screw up a good thing, but thankfully not for too long.  I’ve forgiven them, hahaha!

Then it’s Tuesday and we go to the Y as a family on Tuesday nights, Jimmy has tri swim class.  I was going to do the spinning class but I hadn’t signed up before hand and the class was full so I decided to do 20-20-20.  20 mins stairmaster, 20 mins spinning bike on my own, 20 mins rowing machine.  Then reverse elevated planks with my leg up, BRUTAL!

I was sweating and singing and LOVIN every single minute of it.  I am totally in love with exercise.  I know the dopamine and endorphins are cruising through my body but even when they are not I can’t wait to get that sweat on again.  Loving eating healthy is a struggle for me but not exercising.  I know that even if I can never run again, which I don’t think is realistic right now, I can love other things.  I love the “pain” that comes with pushing up that weighted squat bar.  I love the look of my muscles in the mirror when I was pulling back the rowing machine pulley.  I love that my heart rate, even when I am panting, doesn’t go higher than 137, I don’t know what I’d have to do to get it higher than that.  I love feeling powerful and empowered.  I love it so much, I’m nuts!  I think I’m truly crazy. 

I’m going back to the y today because I have to “run” on the elliptical machine for 10 miles.  Holy hannah!  I already know I’m going to feel amazing!

Just a touch, itty bitty touch, Longer

Got up yesterday morning still in pain.  I got all my things and the kids together because I had made the decision that maybe I can’t run right now but I certainly could work out on the elliptical machine.  Now that is definitely not my favorite piece of equipment but I figured that if I workout on that for as long as my running partner runs and at the same intensity as I would have run I am keeping up as well as I can.

On my way into town I called my chiropractor, he got me in right then.  10 mins later I walked into the office and awaited my turn.  Within a minute I was on the table and ooching in pain as he touched my leg.  After a few minutes of adjustments and I was helped up and could bend WITHOUT PAIN!!!  That man is a miracle worker.  I’ve been to a few other chiropractors previously due to all my body malfunctions but this one, he is incredible.

I was informed that maybe I still wouldn’t be able to run this week due to the inflammation and because of the bone pain but….my “legs are now under your pelvis, as they should be”.  So running is in my future.

Working Out Regardless

From the chiropractor I made it to the Y and decided to use the elliptical machine.  I am going to take at least the 1st half of this week and not run.  I will use the elliptical for the same amount of time it would have taken me to run the miles on the schedule for that day.  So yesterday, Monday, my running partner, Dawn, was a a treadmill near me.  She ran and I did my thing for an hour.  It was actually a little more difficult than I thought it would be.  It was hard to find a position on the machine that mimicked running, to the best of my ability, and to not just set my hands on the handles.  Instead I needed to swing them as I would if I were running. 

It was amazing to workout without any pain; it’s been a few weeks since that has happened, sadly enough.

I left the cardio room feeling mentally rejuvenated and physically exhausted.  I can do this, it is just a hurtle I need to hop over, as soon as my knee will let me hop.